


The Monster Within

by milowren



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Feelings Realization, Hurt Clarke Griffin, Josephine Lightbourne Possessing Clarke Griffin, POV Alternating, POV Bellamy Blake, POV Clarke Griffin, Protective Bellamy, Sharing a Body, The 100 (TV) Season 6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-04-05 18:29:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19045975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milowren/pseuds/milowren
Summary: Josephine is determined to get some answers out of Bellamy...by any means necessary.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here we are! I'm not going to lie, I haven't read any The 100 fic in years and I certainly never thought I would write any of my own after season 5, but "The Gospel of Josephine" well and truly piqued my interest and I just had to crank this out. 
> 
> It's a one-shot for now, but I may add to it if the rest of this season continues to inspire me!

Bellamy struggled fruitlessly against the restraints that Clarke — no, _Josephine_ — had used to bind his wrists and ankles. The paralytic she’d injected him with had worn off after a few hours, but that had given Josephine and her bodyguard plenty of time to hide him away from the prying eyes of his friends. In her bedroom, it would seem. 

He scanned the room again, desperately looking for anything that might aid in his escape. All he saw were countless paintings of who he could only assume was the real Josephine. It nauseated him to see her face smiling at him from all angles — and he was sickened further when he realized this was actually something she had in common with Clarke. But Clarke had only ever drawn other people, never herself. With a pang, Bellamy thought of her sketchbook, and prayed that the monster in front of him hadn’t managed to get her hands on it. 

The monster in question was alternating between staring at herself in the mirror and dancing around to the music she was playing just loud enough to drown out the sound of Bellamy’s muffled shouts through his gag. She seemed entirely unconcerned by the fact that Bellamy had been so quick to uncover her ruse, or that he was currently tied up in her bedroom — which Bellamy was sure did not bode well for him. 

The door suddenly opened, and Russell and Simone entered. Russell’s eyes fell on Bellamy immediately, and he hastened to close the door. Simone followed her husband’s gaze and stared at Bellamy in surprise and undisguised contempt.

“Josephine,” Russell said in a low voice, “what did you do?”

“Mom! Dad! So glad you could join us,” Josephine said in that lilting voice so unlike Clarke’s carefully measured tone.

Wait, mom and dad? These were her parents? That must mean they were using host bodies as well. Bellamy’s mind worked frantically, wondering who these people really were and if they had gone willingly like Delilah, or been held down screaming like the girl in the video. Like Clarke must have been.

His eyes burned and his throat felt painfully tight. He couldn’t let himself imagine the horror of Clarke’s final moments; it would weaken him in a way he could not afford right now. He still struggled to believe that Clarke was really gone, even as the evidence danced around in front of him. 

“Oh yeah, I hope you don’t mind, I have a guest,” Josephine said. When her parents remained completed unamused, she shrugged. “What? He figured it out. It was either bring him back here or kill him and raise more questions.” 

“If he knows about you, he’s too dangerous to be kept alive,” Simone said immediately. “We need to get rid of him.”

His eyes widening in alarm, Bellamy struggled harder against his restraints. They still didn’t budge.

“Simone, wait. We need to think this through,” Russell said, raising a hand to pacify her. He took a few steps closer to the bed where Bellamy was tied, then turned back to his wife and daughter. “Their people respect him almost as much as Clarke. If we kill him, it could make things much more difficult for us.”

“Who said anything about killing him?” Simone countered. “We’ll take him beyond the radiation shield and give him to the woods. He’ll be dead by the next eclipse.” 

“And you see a difference in that? We’re not guilty as long as he doesn’t die by our hand?” Russell shook his head. “After what we just did, you could so easily take another life?” he asked quietly.

“To protect my family? Yes,” Simone said, unabashed.

That was…interesting. Russell clearly had some qualms about what they’d done to Clarke. Not enough to stop him, but they might be able to use his guilt to their advantage like they had with Dante in Mount Weather.

If Bellamy ever got out of here.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, you guys,” Josephine said, looking from Russel to Simone. “I think you’re being a little hasty. Bellamy could be very useful to us,” she continued, glancing in his direction for the first time. “As far as I can tell, he knows Clarke better than anyone else here. He could help me keep up this charade a little longer. Let me tell you, it is not easy pretending to be someone with such a stick up her ass.” She widened her eyes and blew out a breath in mock exhaustion.

Until this point, Bellamy had been unable to feel anything except shock and horror at what they had done to Clarke, but now he felt rage beginning to simmer beneath the surface. These people had no idea what she had been through, what she had overcome. Everything she had survived just for them to —

“What makes you think he’ll help you?” Russell asked. “If it’s true that he knows everything, he must despise us.”

“Oh, come on, Daddy,” Josephine said, raising an eyebrow at her father. “You know how persuasive I can be.” 

Russell brought a hand up to cover his face, and Simone rolled her eyes.

“I’m serious!” Josephine insisted. “Just let me have a little fun. If it doesn’t work, we can take him out to the woods.”

The elder primes stared at each other for a beat, and then Simone gave a small nod. “Fine,” Russell said. “But I mean it, Josie. Do _not_ kill him.”

“You have my word,” Josephine said in the best Clarke imitation she had done all day. Bellamy couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen through her that morning. It all seemed so painfully obvious now. 

Once her parents had left the room, Josephine finally turned her complete attention to Bellamy. “Alright, handsome.” She smiled dangerously, tilting her head. “Let’s play a game.” 

 

******

 

“Now, I thought I made the rules very clear,” Josephine said with obvious exasperation. She had pulled a chair over to the foot of the bed and was straddling it backwards, her arms crossed on the back of the chair, her chin resting on her forearms. “You tell me what I want to know, and I don’t mess up that pretty face of yours.”

“What can I say?” Bellamy replied, glaring up at her. “I’m a slow learner.”

She had removed his gag with the promise that if he tried to call for help, he would be dead before anyone arrived, no matter what her parents had said. The slightly unhinged look in her eye let him know she wasn’t bluffing. As did the knife in her hand, which she clearly had experience using.

Twirling the blade between her fingers, she stood up and approached him again. “Let’s try this one more time,” she said, with exaggerated patience as though speaking to a toddler. “How many other nightbloods do you have?”

Bellamy looked at her, calculating. On the one hand, if she knew that Clarke and Madi were their only nightbloods, no one else would be in danger of becoming a host. However, based on what he had seen, it was extremely likely that if the primes learned that, they would decide the rest of their people were expendable and kill them all.

Selfishly, Bellamy also knew that his best chance of staying alive was to let her think he had more information that could help her. 

“Tick, tock, Bellamy,” she hissed, brandishing the knife in his direction. “Obviously, I know about Clarke and the child. They can’t be the only ones. Who else is there?” 

A muscle twitched in his jaw as he weighed his options. Anything he said would put his people at risk. In the end, there was only one choice, just as Clarke had always said.

“I’m not telling you anything,” Bellamy said in a low, deliberate voice. 

Furiously, Josephine jumped forward and pressed the knife into his throat. Bellamy held her gaze defiantly, refusing to close his eyes or show any sign of weakness. They stared at each other for a moment, both breathing harshly. Then Josephine laughed unexpectedly and took a step back. 

Bellamy could still feel the sting where the cold steel of her knife had cut into his neck.

“You’re certainly brave, I’ll give you that,” Josephine said, walking back over to the mirror. She stared at her own reflection as she said, “I can see what Clarke must have seen in you.” 

Unsure what she meant by that, Bellamy chose not to respond. 

“Clearly threatening you is getting us nowhere,” she continued, running her fingers through her — no, Clarke’s — hair. “So how about we try something different?”

Josephine set the knife aside and turned back towards him. She approached the bed slowly, carefully removing Clarke’s leather jacket and dropping it on the floor. 

Bellamy gulped. He did not like where this was going at all. Mostly because he knew that under nearly any other circumstances, he would have liked it very much. How many times had he imagined Clarke looking at him like this, walking towards him like this, before Praimfaya, before the ring? 

“Based on that whole thing with the doctor, it seems like it’s probably been a while for us,” Josephine said, “but I’m sure old habits die hard and all that.”

This time, Bellamy could not contain his confusion. “What?”

Josephine stopped and raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, please,” she said, “it’s obvious there’s something between you two. You were the first one to figure out I wasn’t her, after all. I’m guessing exes still trying to be friends, am I right?”

With a bark of surprised laughter, Bellamy shook his head. “Not even close,” he scoffed. 

“Really?” She raised both eyebrows now. “So you expect me to believe you two never…?” She gestured down at Clarke’s body suggestively.

Bellamy looked to the side, distinctly uncomfortable. “Never,” he said. 

“Huh,” Josephine said. “Well, her loss. I guess in that case, there’s a first time for everything.”

Still refusing to look at her, Bellamy tried to swallow, but his throat had suddenly gone very dry.

Josephine moved into his field of vision and grabbed his chin, forcing him to meet her eyes. “Come on, lover boy,” she purred. “You’re telling me you never even thought about it?” She ran her free hand down Clarke’s body seductively.

Bellamy felt sick. That this stranger could touch Clarke like this, could _use_ her like this — of all the horrible things he had seen, nothing had ever felt like such a violation. 

“There’s no use denying it,” Josephine said softly. “I saw how you looked at her.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bellamy said, but his voice sounded unconvincing even to his own ears. 

“Oh?” She released his chin and took a step back. “So when you asked about the doctor this morning, there wasn’t even a hint of jealousy? There wasn’t some small part of you hoping she would say nothing happened?”

Bellamy didn’t respond. He’d been genuinely happy for Clarke, that she’d found someone and been able to let loose for a little while. But he also couldn’t deny that there was a kernel of truth to Josephine’s words.

Josephine smiled triumphantly. “I thought so. That was all Clarke, by the way,” she added conversationally. "Killian was so not my type. But you, on the other hand…”

Without warning, she leapt onto the bed and straddled him.

Bellamy jolted forward in surprise, but he couldn’t move his hands from where they were tied to the bedposts. In one fluid motion, Josephine pulled off her shirt and looped her arms around his neck.

“This can be our little secret,” she whispered in his ear, then began to kiss down his neck to his collarbone. 

With his arms out of commission, Bellamy thought about trying to buck her off the bed, and then realized that would probably convey exactly the wrong thing. So he remained completely still, willing his body not to respond in any way, even as she rolled her hips against his and his heart raced traitorously. He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to look at Clarke like this without her permission, as his thoughts went in frantic circles in his head. 

_This is wrong…not like this…not like this…_

“Come on, Bellamy,” Josephine whispered breathlessly, moving her hands to his shoulders and down his chest. “Just think. Tell me who the other nightbloods are and I won’t need this body anymore. You can be with Clarke like this for real.”

Bellamy’s eyes flew open. “Wait, what?” he gasped, jerking backwards. “There’s a way to get Clarke back?” 

Josephine paused from where she had been about to kiss his jaw and straightened, sitting further back on his thighs. “There might be,” she said slowly. “It’s never been done before. But then again, we’ve never made nightbloods on Sanctum before either. So like I said, first time for everything.” 

She leaned forward, but Bellamy moved out of her reach again. “Is Clarke alive?” he asked urgently.

Narrowing her eyes, Josephine raised a hand to her chin and considered him. “I’ll answer that question,” she said, “if you answer one of mine. How did Abby turn Clarke into a nightblood?”

Bellamy wracked his brains, wondering how she could possibly know that…and then remembered Murphy had mentioned it at dinner. Damn it, Murphy.

“If you knew Abby could make nightbloods,” he said, “why have you been so desperate to figure out if we have any others?”

Josephine shrugged. “It would be easier. Might as well know every option that we have. But if we could turn anyone into a nightblood, it would really solve all of our problems. So how’d she do it?”

Bellamy felt a chill go down his spine. If the primes learned how to turn people into nightbloods, no one would be safe. Anyone could be turned into a host.

Josephine seemed to know what he was thinking. She leaned forward and placed her hands on either side of his face. “Just tell me how she did it, Bellamy,” she whispered, “and I’ll tell you how to save Clarke.” 

Bellamy stared into Clarke’s eyes. It might not be her mind behind them anymore, but they were still hers. And Josephine had been right about one thing — he did know her better than almost anyone. 

“You’re lying,” Bellamy growled.

At once, Josephine’s entire demeanor changed. The teasing temptress was gone and in her place was something terrible. 

She pushed off the bed and lunged for the knife. “Am I?” she asked coldly. Bellamy braced himself for her return, thinking there was no way he’d escape with just a thin cut on his neck this time, but she did something far worse.

She pressed the blade against her own throat.

Bellamy forgot how to breathe. “What are you doing?” he choked out, panic constricting his airway. 

“Tell me how Abby made Clarke a nightblood,” Josephine said calmly, “or I’ll slit her throat.” 

Leaning forward as much as his restraints would allow, Bellamy shook his head frantically. “You wouldn’t.” 

“I wouldn’t?” Josephine repeated. “Threatening you didn’t work, seducing you didn’t work...you’re really not giving me much of a choice here, Bellamy.”

She pressed the blade in harder, and a bead of blood appeared on Clarke’s neck.

“Stop!” Bellamy shouted. He was shaking. “You just got a body back after six years,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “You would throw it away, just like that?”

Josephine’s hand paused, but she did not move the knife. “I can always find another host,” she said, “but if you refuse to tell me what I need to know, you’ll lose any chance of ever bringing Clarke back.” 

“You might have to wait years,” Bellamy said desperately. “Who knows if Abby will have the technology she needs to make nightbloods here, or how long it might take?”

“The thing is,” Josephine said, “when I’m just a chip, I really won’t know the difference.” 

They stared at each other again. She had to be bluffing. She seemed entirely too excited to be alive again to give it up so quickly. 

But Bellamy didn’t know if he was willing to bet Clarke’s life on those odds.

“How do I know,” he said slowly, tears welling in his eyes, “that there’s even a way to bring her back? How do I know she’s not already gone forever?”

Josephine smiled. “You’ll just have to trust me.” 

Bellamy looked into the face of the girl he had once loved and trusted more than anyone, and a stranger looked back at him. He did not trust Josephine. The girl was part of a cult who killed people so they could live forever; he could never trust her.

But he also could not risk losing Clarke again. Not if there was even the slightest chance that he could save her. 

If he told Josephine how to make nightbloods, he would be putting all of their people in danger, just for Clarke. If he managed to get her back, she would probably hate him for that. But hadn’t she done the same thing for him when she let him open the bunker door? She had risked the lives of all of their people because she couldn’t let him die. And he had repaid her for that by leaving her behind in Praimfaya.

There was really only one choice.

“You’re taking too long,” Josephine said, and she started to slide the blade across Clarke’s throat — Bellamy saw a trickle of blood running down her neck —

“NO!” he shouted. “Okay, I’ll tell you…I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy races against the clock to find a way to save Clarke. Meanwhile, Clarke faces another one of her demons in the mindspace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, who would have guessed! This is meant to pick up immediately following Season 6 Episode 7 "Nevermind."

Clarke sat in the diner where Josephine’s worst memory had taken place, finally taking a break from flickering the Christmas lights on and off. She checked her father’s watch; Josephine would have been awake for almost an hour. If Bellamy hadn’t gotten her message by now, he wasn’t going to.

She leaned back in the booth, thinking about the memory Josephine had showed her. Even though she had seen it for herself and understood the logic behind it, a part of her still couldn’t believe that Bellamy had been able to move past her death that quickly. She wondered if she would have done the same thing if their positions were reversed. If Bellamy had been the one killed, would she have been able to forego vengeance and make a deal with his murderers?

Bellamy certainly seemed to think so, but she wasn’t sure. 

All she could do now was hope that he had understood her message and wasn’t doing anything too rash. She trusted him to stop Josephine and Russell before they had the chance to use the EMP.

There was nothing left for her to do but wait.

 

******

 

“What’s this about there being a problem with the mind wipe?”

Josephine stood surveying the wreckage of her room. Bellamy had really done a number on the place. Untying him from the bed and leaving him chained to the floor had definitely been a mistake. Especially after she’d told him that she didn’t actually know how to bring Clarke back.

Little had she known Clarke was already here, just waiting to be let out. 

Without turning, she replied, “Hi, Mom. I take it you talked to Dad.”

Simone appeared in front of her. “Yes. He said Clarke is still alive in the mindspace? And you saw her?”

Josephine nodded. “I did. And let me tell you, it was no trip to Disneyland. Happiest place on earth, her mind is not.”

Simone gaped at her. “How is this possible? The mind wipe was perfected centuries ago. We haven’t had a malfunction in over a hundred years.”

“She was connected to another AI back on Earth,” Josephine said. “One of Becca Franko’s designs. It was pretty brilliant, actually. Even after it was deactivated, the neural mesh remained and protected her mind. But don’t worry,” she continued, seeing her mother’s alarmed expression. “I already figured out how to fix it.” 

“I know,” Simone said. “Priya is preparing the EMP right now. But I’m more concerned about who else might have been connected to this AI. Did you see anything in Clarke’s mind?”

Josephine shrugged. “No…there was her friend Raven, but she’s the one who was EMP’ed. I didn’t see anyone else. What?” she asked defensively when Simone looked disappointed. “I was a little busy trying to fix this problem, so I wasn’t exactly looking for any more.”

Simone shook her head. “So what you’re saying is that any of them could be protected by the same neural mesh as Clarke.”

“Yes…,” Josephine said slowly, “but what does it matter? We’re not going to use them as hosts. We’ve guaranteed their safety, and they’re going to go off and live in their own compound. Isn’t that the deal Dad made?”

Sighing, Simone raised a hand to cover her eyes. “Your father is hopelessly naive. Do you really believe they won’t retaliate?” She met her daughter’s gaze again. “We can’t trust these people, Josie.” 

Josephine bit the inside of her cheek. “I don’t disagree,” she said, thinking of Bellamy’s wild grief. “So what’s your plan? Turn them all into nightbloods so we can wipe their minds before they strike back?”

Simone didn’t even blink. “I at least want to make sure we have that option.” 

Josephine felt the faintest twinge of guilt at betraying her promise to Clarke so quickly, but she couldn’t deny the sense in her mother’s words. Simone was right; they could not trust these people. If Bellamy ever found out Clarke survived the mind wipe and could have been saved, she knew he would lose his mind — figuratively, not literally. And John had been so quick to change sides…who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again? 

“Okay,” Josephine said. “What do you need me to do?”

“You need to go back under and talk to Clarke again,” Simone answered. “Find out who else was connected to the same AI that she was.”

“Mom, no!” Josephine protested. “It sucks in there! I swear for someone who seems like such a badass, her mind’s all gloom and doom.”

Simone held her daughter’s stare until Josephine had no choice but to relent. There wasn’t really any other option, anyway. Clarke’s mind was the most reliable source of information, and asking anyone else would make them seem far too suspicious. 

“Fine,” Josephine grumbled. “But I’m taking a sedative. I want to get this over with as soon as possible.”

 

******

 

Bellamy paced back and forth, unable to sit still. Since his discovery that Clarke was still alive, his renewed sense of hope had left him positively giddy. As soon as Echo, Emori, and Raven returned from their meeting with Riker, they could put their plan to save Clarke into motion. 

“Bellamy.”

He turned to see Miller entering the room. “What are you doing here?” Bellamy asked. “You’re supposed to be keeping watch on Josephine.” They needed to make sure the primes didn’t learn about Clarke or do anything to her body before they could intervene.

“We have a problem,” Miller replied. “I just overheard Josephine talking to her mother. They know Clarke’s still alive. Apparently Josephine saw her in the mindspace.” He said the last word with air quotes. 

“What?” Bellamy gasped. “How?”

“I don’t know. But that’s not the worst of it,” Miller said, his expression grim. “Josephine said Alie’s chip is what protected Clarke during the mind wipe. She’s going back under to talk to Clarke again and figure out who else from our people was chipped.”

Bellamy’s mind raced at Miller’s words. How could Josephine possibly know about Alie and the chip? The only explanation was that she really had been inside Clarke’s mind, had been able to communicate with her somehow. Even though he already knew Clarke was alive, that thought still left him reeling. 

But something didn’t add up. “Wait…why would they need to know who else was chipped?” Before Miller could respond, Bellamy realized the truth. “Russell’s deal is a lie,” he said through gritted teeth. “They never had any intention of letting us live.”

“I don’t know about Russell,” Miller said, “but Josephine and her mother sure as hell don’t.” 

“So what’s the plan for the people who were chipped?” Bellamy asked. “If the mind wipe won’t work on them —”

“I heard them mention the EMP that was used on Raven,” Miller interrupted. “I think they’ll be able to destroy the chip and turn us all into hosts. And they’re going to use it to get rid of Clarke first.”

A surge of white-hot rage pulsed through Bellamy. The thought of Clarke surviving this far only to be defeated by the technology she herself had used to save Raven left him feeling physically ill. He tasted bile at the back of his throat, unable to speak.

“That’s not happening,” he said finally, his voice shaking. Without another word, he turned and started walking towards the door. 

“Where are you going?” Miller asked, already following.

“To talk to Russell,” Bellamy replied darkly. “Go back to keep an eye on Josephine, and whatever you do, do not let them use that EMP.”

He had already lived through losing Clarke twice; he would burn Sanctum to the ground before he lost her a third time.

 

******

 

Clarke sat back on her bed in the home she had shared with Madi, sketching again. This time her subject was Bellamy as she remembered him from their first ill-fated day trip, not long after they’d been sent to the ground. His face was splattered with blood, his eyes filled with pain and regret — an expression she knew she wore herself more often than not these days.

This was the first day she’d really connected with him; the day she’d realized there was so much more to him than the arrogant asshole persona he’d been putting on. 

It was also the first time that he had killed someone to protect her.

Since that day, there had been a part of her that had always believed he would do anything for her. That she could always count on him to be there for her when she really needed him.

She hoped that, despite what she’d seen in Josephine’s memories, it was still true. 

As she prayed for the hundredth time that Bellamy had gotten her message, she realized she could hear indistinct voices from outside. She froze, certain that Josephine had come back to take something else from her. But as she listened more intently, she realized the voice was a man’s, and suddenly the words became clear.

_“—need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.”_

No, she wasn’t ready. She couldn’t face him here.

_“You left me.”_

What if this version of Bellamy confirmed everything that Josephine had said was true? That her people really were better off without her?

_“I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”_

It wasn’t really him, it was just her perception of him. Clarke wasn’t sure if that was more comforting or terrifying. But she knew she couldn’t escape this place without confronting him.

She got up and walked slowly to the door. Taking a deep breath, she pushed it open and walked outside.

Instead of the village in Shallow Valley, she found herself standing in the field in front of Arkadia. 

And right in front of the open gates, still wearing the guard uniform from Mount Weather, was Bellamy. 

Clarke knew why they had returned to this moment. This was the first time she had broken Bellamy’s trust, the first time she had abandoned him. Her stomach sank with long suppressed guilt. Octavia was right; she had proven time and time again that she would abandon anyone. 

Bellamy turned to face her. He looked years younger, not yet sporting the beard he had now. “Clarke,” he said, concern etched into every line of his face.

Despite her fears, she couldn’t deny the rush of relief she felt at hearing his voice, seeing his face, even if she knew it was only in her mind. Instinctively, she took a few steps forward and wrapped her arms around him. “I didn’t think I’d see you here,” she said. 

Bellamy gripped her hair and swayed slightly with her in his arms for a few seconds before letting go and taking a step back. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he said with a sad smile.

“No—” she started, and then closed her eyes, realizing how pointless it was to argue with him here. “I’m sorry,” she said instead.

“Ah.” Bellamy’s smile turned wry. “There’s that word again. You always are, aren’t you?”

The sinking feeling returned to Clarke’s stomach. “What does that mean?”

Instead of answering, Bellamy looked back towards the gate. “Do you remember this day, Clarke?”

She followed his gaze. “Of course I do.” 

“After everything we’d been through, I thought we could finally relax. Take the time to grieve and heal. Together.” He paused, still staring off into the distance. “I begged you to come inside,” he said finally, his voice rough with emotion, “but you just walked away. At the time, I thought it was the worst thing you could do to me.” He finally met her eyes again. “I guess you proved me wrong about that.”

Clarke felt like she’d been slapped. “I shouldn’t have left you,” she said, swallowing past the lump in her throat, “here or in the bunker. I’m so sorry, Bellamy.” He raised his eyebrows at the word, and Clarke winced. “I don’t know what else you want me to say!” she said defensively.

“I want an explanation, Clarke!” He turned to face her fully and ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I want to know how you could call me every day for six years and then leave me to die in the fighting pits.” He stared at her intensely as though the answer would be written on her face.

“I — we — we talked about this,” Clarke stammered, taking a step back from him. “You said you understood!”

“I know, I know,” he said wearily. “I betrayed you. I put Madi in danger, and for that I deserved to die. But that wasn’t the first time you felt betrayed by me, was it, Clarke?”

Now Clarke was really confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Don’t you?” Bellamy raised his eyebrows again. “You called me every day for six years,” he repeated, “and when I finally came back, I was with someone else. You’re telling me it didn’t hurt to see me with Echo?”

Clarke’s mouth fell open in shock. “What?” she gasped. “No — no, I was glad that you found someone, that you were happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” 

Bellamy shook his head, the wry smile back on his face. “Why are you lying to yourself?”

Clarke began to feel a prickle of anger. “So what are you saying?” she asked hotly. “That I wanted you to die because I felt _scorned_ over you and Echo? Is that really what you think of me?”

“No, Clarke,” Bellamy said seriously. “I know you left me there because of what I did to Madi. I’m not arguing with you about that.”

Clarke threw her hands up in a burst of frustration. “Then what are you arguing with me about?” she shouted. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to admit why leaving me to die is your biggest regret!” Bellamy yelled, just as frustrated. “Why was that worse than all of the people you’ve killed? Why am I the one you called every day for six years, not Raven or Monty, just me? Why does my betrayal hurt more than anyone else’s?”

Tears welled in Clarke’s eyes. She knew, of course she knew. But she couldn’t say it, not even in the safety of her own mind. “Bellamy,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Don’t —”

Bellamy’s expression softened. He took a step forward and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. “Why can’t you admit how you feel about me?” he asked quietly. 

Clarke felt all of the fight go out of her and allowed herself to slump under Bellamy’s hands. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to lean forward and melt into his embrace. To admit that he was right and finally let go of the truth she’d kept buried for so long. 

But she couldn’t. 

Straightening, she took a step back and opened her eyes. “You know why I can’t go there,” she said with renewed resolve.

Bellamy’s jaw tightened. “Because of Finn,” he answered, looking at the ground. “And Lexa. You loved them, and they died, and you still think it was your fault.”

“I _stabbed_ Finn,” Clarke said incredulously, “and Lexa was killed with a bullet that was meant for me. It _was_ my fault.” 

“That was a long time ago,” Bellamy said. “It wouldn’t happen again.”

“You can’t promise that,” Clarke said, shaking her head. “Bad things happen to the people that I love. If I let myself be with you and something happened, I would never forgive myself.” Clarke smiled sadly. “I’ve made my peace with that.”

“If that were true, we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Bellamy countered. 

Sighing, Clarke rubbed her eyes. Arguing with herself was exhausting. 

When she looked back at Bellamy, he was gazing at her intently. She took his hands in hers. “Your life is more important to me than my happiness,” Clarke said earnestly. “I’m okay with us never being together, as long as you get to _survive_.”

Bellamy stared at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable. “Living should be about more than just surviving,” he said finally. “You used to believe that.”

Clarke dropped Bellamy’s hands, reeling, but before she could respond another voice rang out from behind her.

“Well, well, well,” Josephine called, “I was wondering when lover boy was going to show up here.” 

 

******

 

Bellamy burst into the library to find Russell pouring over a book. He looked up at the sound of the door opening.

“I need to talk to you,” Bellamy said before Russell could get a word out.

Russell stood as Bellamy approached him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, clearly taken aback by Bellamy’s tone. 

“I know Clarke’s alive,” Bellamy said, and watched as Russell went pale. 

“Bellamy —,” he began, but Bellamy cut him off.

“That’s not all,” he said. “It seems like your wife and daughter are planning to go back on our deal. Josephine’s going into Clarke’s mindspace now to figure out who else was chipped out of our people. Maybe you can explain why she would do that, because the only possible explanation I can think of is that she wants to turn us all into hosts.”

Clearly shocked at how much Bellamy knew, Russell sat back down and dropped his face into his hands. When he looked up, his expression was pained. “I told Josephine we should give Clarke her body back,” Russell said, “and she agreed. Whatever you saw or heard, there must be some misunderstanding.”

Bellamy sat down across from Russell. They didn’t really have time for this, but he knew their chances for success were greater with Russell on their side. Looking down, he saw that the book Russell had been reading had been written by Josephine, and he felt a rush of sympathy for the man. “I’m sorry,” Bellamy said, “but whoever your daughter once was…I don’t think she’s the same person anymore. And she’s going to kill Clarke and a lot more of my people unless we stop her.” 

Russell held Bellamy’s gaze, considering him. Bellamy wondered if it had been a mistake to come to Russell first, if he had just doomed Clarke and the rest of his people. He held his breath, waiting.

Before Russell could respond, Simone ran into the room.

“Russell, come quickly,” she said, racing forward and grabbing his hand. Completely ignoring Bellamy, she started to pull her husband from the room.

“Wait, Simone, what’s going on?” he asked urgently. Bellamy’s heart stopped at her reply.

“Something’s wrong with Josephine.”

 

******

 

Clarke spun around. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Bellamy go completely still, like a video that had been paused. Which, she supposed, he basically was. She turned her attention back to Josephine, who was standing a few feet away.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Josephine said, smirking. “That looked pretty intense. Finally acknowledging your feelings, Clarke?”

Clarke crossed her arms and set her jaw. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I don’t?” Josephine tilted her head. “You forget, I had to pretend to be you for a whole day with those puppy eyes following me around. Oh, come on,” she said when Clarke scoffed. “You must have noticed how he looks at you. I thought for sure you two were an item. And I’m not going to lie, I was pretty excited to take advantage of that perk.” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Clarke felt sick. “What — you didn’t —” 

Josephine looked at her mockingly for a moment before dropping the pretense. “Okay, no, I didn’t,” she said. “He figured out I wasn’t you way too quickly for anything to happen. I even tried to seduce him to get some answers, but he didn’t go for it. I might have thought he wasn’t that into you if he hadn’t lost it when I told him you were gone for good.” Widening her eyes, Josephine shook her head as if aghast at the memory. “You should have seen him, Clarke. Screaming and throwing things. He ruined all of my paintings, it was very uncool.” 

Despite hating the thought of Bellamy in pain, Clarke couldn’t deny the sudden rush of warmth she felt in her chest at Josephine’s words. So Bellamy hadn’t gotten over her death so easily after all. 

Not wanting to reveal any of her emotions to Josephine, Clarke kept her face impassive. “I’m guessing you didn’t come here to talk about boys,” she said, “so why don’t you tell me what you really want.”

“Okay, you got me,” Josephine said, raising her hands in surrender. “I need some more of your memories. Particularly all of the ones pertaining to the chip.” 

“No,” Clarke said instantly. “No, I already gave you what you needed.”

“And now I need something else,” Josephine replied. “I need to know who else was chipped but not EMP’ed.”

“Why would you need —,” Clarke cut herself off, realizing. “You want to wipe all of their minds.” She looked at Josephine in disgust. “So much for your promise that my people would be safe.”

“Look, I’m sorry, Clarke,” Josephine said, and she actually did sound somewhat sincere. “But I need to do what’s best for my people. And we just don’t really trust that yours will keep their word not to retaliate. Especially Bellamy.”

“He will,” Clarke said, even as she prayed that he didn’t. “You can trust him.”

Josephine looked at Clarke sadly. “The last time I trusted someone, I got pushed out of a window,” she said. “So do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way again?”

Closing her eyes, Clarke took a second to internalize all of her memories of Alie’s chip, storing them as deep within her mind as she possibly could.

Then she turned and ran. 

 

******

 

The first thing Bellamy saw when he ran into Josephine’s room was Miller on the bed beside her, holding her arms down. He wondered, briefly, what she had done for Miller to attack her. He started to rush forward to pull Miller away because whatever she had done, this was still Clarke’s body, they couldn’t hurt her —

And then he realized that she was seizing. 

The air vanished from his lungs. “Clarke,” he choked, forgetting that her body was still inhabited by Josephine. He pushed Miller out of the way and leaned over her, his hands hovering above her body. Her limbs flailed and twitched, and her head jerked violently back and forth. Her eyes were half open, but he could only see strips of white. 

He vaguely remembered from one of the ark’s first aid courses that you weren’t supposed to hold down someone who was seizing, but you should turn them on their side in case they vomited or started to choke on their own tongue. Gently, he turned Clarke’s body, cradling her head. He noticed black blood streaming down her face from her nose. 

Russell appeared beside him. “Josie…,” he whispered. He looked at Bellamy with wide, terrified eyes.

“Have you seen this before?” Bellamy asked roughly.

Russell shook his head. “Not in almost two centuries,” he said. “The brain deterioration is happening much faster than it should.” He turned to Simone. “You should never have sent her back into Clarke’s mindspace!”

Bellamy didn’t hear anything past the phrase _brain deterioration_. “How do we stop this?” he asked urgently. “What do we do??”

Before Russell could respond, Clarke — or Josephine — or both — took a deep, shuddering breath and went completely limp.

“No!” Bellamy gasped. He pressed two fingers to the side of Clarke’s neck and felt dizzy with relief when he still felt a pulse. He sat back, trying to calm his own racing heart.

Russell, on the other hand, leaned forward. “Josephine?” he said quietly, touching her face. “Josephine, can you hear me?”

Groaning, she opened her eyes and looked around blearily. When her gaze landed on Russell, her eyes widened in shock. 

“Josie?” he said with obvious relief. “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

But Josephine flinched away from his hand, her breathing becoming more and more shallow. Her eyes darted around the room again and found Bellamy. She froze. 

Bellamy looked into her eyes and knew immediately.

“Clarke?” he croaked, his voice breaking.

Nodding, Clarke’s face crumpled, tears sparkling at the corners of her eyes. At once, Bellamy reached forward and gathered her into his arms. He tried to hold her gently, but she hugged him back as tightly as she could. 

After a few moments that were not nearly long enough, Bellamy pulled back and moved his hands to Clarke’s face. “It’s really you?” he asked hoarsely, brushing her hair away from her eyes.

“It’s me,” Clarke said, her face breaking into a smile. A tightness lingered in her expression, and the small wrinkle that Bellamy knew so well appeared between her eyebrows. “Is this really happening?” she asked worriedly. “It’s not in my head?”

“It’s not in your head,” Bellamy reassured her. “This is real, you’re back.”

Clarke sighed with relief. “Bellamy, I —”

Suddenly, Clarke went rigid in his arms. Her eyes rolled back as her head collapsed forward onto her chest.

“Clarke?” Bellamy gave her shoulders a small shake. “Clarke??”

She groaned again and slowly lifted her gaze back up to meet Bellamy’s. “Ew, no,” Josephine said, rubbing the back of her neck. “Why are you hugging me? Thought better of my offer?”

Bellamy released her and jumped back as if she were on fire. No. No, this couldn’t be happening. Clarke had been here, he had gotten her back — 

“Josephine?” Russell asked hesitantly.

“In the flesh.” She looked from Bellamy’s stricken expression to her father’s. “I take it we have another problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm not going to lie, I still don't think I'm thrilled with Bellamy and Clarke's encounter in the mindspace, but this ended up being much longer than I planned and I was determined to post it before tomorrow's episode. I hope you enjoyed it!


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